Blog

The Old Testament is my codex, though I’ve never truly read it,

My excuse in perpetuity for every ill I spit.

Church is my canard and the cross my sacred logo,

As I blaspheme hourly in my hate, o the bigotry so low.

Me greed is endless, but I feign charity

For the sake of appearance and insincerity,

To be seen as a holy child of Him,

Though I follow nothing but my own selfish whim.

You are nothing to me but something to own,

O thee who seeks to share my earthly throne.

Yet, though I declare my...

She had no self-esteem,

One ugly man after another,

The mark of one who did not value herself,

Afraid of having an equal lover.

Too beautiful for them but she made herself their dog,

Until they cast her away for ugly women to treat worse,

Leaving her ego in a fog,

Searching still for another ugly face to whom to defer,

An illness of a pervasive kind that entirely subsumed her.

A product of her culture,

In which handsome men chose ugly women,

And bombshells married trolls,

She sought the ugly...

Holding on to nothing

Because there’s nothing else to hold on to.

Though it makes no difference

It is all that sees me through.

Through betrayal and lies,

It serves to keep me wise,

Keeps my heart true

And reminds me never again to care for you.

Seeking the greedy, the phony, the using, the low,

Popularity in conformity to the shallow,

After material wealth and financial security,

Even if selling yourself is the cost … faking love,

Being a vulgar man’s slave,

Because the faith you were taught is false.

Refusing your own guilt,

Denial upon denial.

Wanting to bury one who loved you with no remorse for the loss,

Nor compassion for a mistake you instigated,

Ignoring your own leading,

And feelings you let be seen without meaning to,

Though...

I have faced a grievous loss,

Not too long ago,

Foundation shaking,

Making me feel alone in the world, insecure.

And before that I was hurt deeply,

By one I betrayed myself.

But I must press on, I tell myself.

So I throw myself at you,

You without a name, with no real face to me,

To escape the pain,

To escape the loneliness,

To escape the fear of having no one.

To escape the mistakes I’ve made with another.

I throw myself at you,

Though you are bad for me, using my grief for yourself,

I try to...

It starts early in life,

A choice between two ways, two things,

And we know which we want,

But we begin to doubt.

What will they think?

How will they judge?

We choose one … for them,

And not what we wanted.

We regret the choice, but say nothing,

Imagining what the other way might have been like.

And some of us never stop,

Never stop making choices for them.

What will they think?

How will they judge?

And we choose what we do not want again and again,

Passing up what we desired,

Never realizing...

You do not FIND love. Love finds you, unexpectedly. It arises in your heart, wanted or unwanted. It is not merely proximity nor familiarity. It is not a matter of convenience and can produce the worst of emotional trials in the worst of situations. It can have seriously bad timing. It is not rational, not decided upon. It is not dictated. It is not a lust for touch, as it exists with none. And it will never be a desire for their possessions or power. That is its opposite, not hate. It is...

We seek not atonement,

Seek not what our heart desired,

Having found instead what we were warned of.

Now we seek the toad.

For we cannot make our own mind up,

But must be told.

So we seek the toad,

Appeal to the authority of the toad,

Seek protection from the toad,

Begin to pity the toad,

And let our heart deranged feel for the toad,

Project our emotions onto the toad,

For we must project them somewhere,

And not toward what we cast away.

We shall choose the toad,

Inventing a prince.

Though there...

All we know how to do now is hurt each other, lie,

Never asking why.

Seeking ruin and disgrace,

Against a one-time friendly face.

Fool each other with niceties,

Faking friendship, even please.

What is this disease?

No help, no forgiveness,

No communication,

We only obsess,

Over gain and property,

False words and phony hearts,

There’s no true love in this misery.

There is no resolution,

Only greed and moral destitution.

Caring not for those who for us sincere,

Caving in to senseless fear,

Selling...

Trust, sincerity, love, and emotional security went unwanted,

Traded for hopes of applause and financial gain,

Dragging the true heart down to baseness in despair over betrayal,

Turned into a monster for no reason but appearances.

A true heart attacked and slain for nothing.

One who would have fought and protected from the dregs,

Now treated like a lowly cur by one morally vacant, impious.

And what was kept, what was permitted in the midst,

Those who wore their hypocrisy on their masks for all...

Evangelicals, by and large, are the most vile people in existence. They are wealth-hoarding cos-playing Calvinists, who believe that they, not you, are saved no matter what they do, no matter how full of hate, how perverse, how utterly un-Jesus-like they think and behave, even when what they regularly get caught doing in private is abomination or openly illegal. They are malignant narcissists who feel that they alone wield the power of God. They are heretics.

No self-respecting Christian, even...

Oh those vain players,

Stables of female prey to look at, to seek, to use,

Claiming it’s just normal interest, hot pursuit,

But no real interest in any as human beings,

Only convenient lays and possible maids.

Faces, bodies, breasts to gawk at,

To fantasize over and maybe animate in a machine …

In compromising poses.

They use the sheen of morality and family to God-wash their sick hobby,

To hide their hideous minds and ulterior motives.

They believe all women exist for their use, their...

“It doesn’t matter!” she cried, defiantly, but for no discernible reason except belligerence. “It doesn’t matter if you confess. It doesn’t matter if you’ve atoned and I have not. It doesn’t matter if I was the one who instigated you or if none of it was real, which I know all too well it wasn’t but choose to ignore. It doesn’t matter if you love me, or if I care more than I will ever admit. I need a villain, and that is the role I have assigned to you forever. I will never change my mind,...

I carry a weight that won’t leave.

I carry a heavy sorrow.

I carry a memory that will not flee,

I carry lies made against me.

I carry my heart though it does not beat.

I carry my losses that do not retreat.

I carry my burdens in silence so loud.

I carry my dead hopes in a moth-eaten shroud.

I carry the ashes of a love never felt,

I carry the cards of the hand I’ve been dealt.

I carry a weight that won’t leave,

But I carry on.

When it was not preordained by fated hands,

Flailing unwanted and unheard,

When it stirs nothing, no echo in another heart,

It is not mean to live.

It has no meaning unto itself,

Merely a pining for what does not exist in analog,

A species with no mate, it cannot be saved.

And it must be forced into the depths and drowned,

Leaving a hole that will never be filled.

For it has no justification for life,

Though, like a wild animal, it will fight to survive,

Only to scratch and claw at the...

Once the evil sinks in its hooks,

It lays silent claim to its victim,

Ownership over the being of its prey.

It does not let go—invisible claws grip still,

Though it toys with the emotions,

Pretending to have left the soul at peace.

But it is a ruse.

It injected the drug of attention it now withdraws,

And it waits for the addiction to take hold,

For its victim to crawl back in supplication,

So it can gain uncontested control.

And one will only know it is truly done,

Know when it relinquishes for...

Often the evil we imagine in others is what we cling to as the familiar.

We know what it is instinctively, but fear letting go of what we have always known as our place,

And we cast off and demonize the good,

Throw love away and keep what is bad for us,

A cult of phony benevolence, leading us to be untrue to ourselves,

Fearing the loss of all we’ve ever identified with.

But we know it’s wrong, deep inside.

It always has been, a lie, wrapped in a lie, gilded with gold and glitter.

We know we have...

When we condone what should never be condoned,

Lend it our name in friendship, even acquaintance,

Just a person we know in passing on our friends’ list,

It stains not only our name but our being.

We have no need to cling to those from the past or present,

Who espouse the worst of humanity,

Who justify it out of their own odiousness,

Their foul hearts, filled with greed, bigotry, hatred,

Those who excuse egregious crimes for their heinous beliefs.

They are nice to you, but you excuse their...

Even if both sought an end to it all,

There was none to be had.

Retribution did not work that way.

It sought its own ends.

So when she claimed she was done with it all,

When he felt he had had enough,

There was no end coming,

As there was no resolution,

And lies could not rest peacefully until there was.

And there would never be any.

Karma does not storm in,

It does not announce itself,

Nor does it barter or demand.

Karma tiptoes in the background,

Waiting for the right assert itself in silence.

You will not hear it,

You will not see it coming,

For it works through you and you know no better.

Karma, by whatever name it chooses, wreaks its havoc subtly,

Through your own choices,

And you have left yourself wise open.