So sad the lengths some would go to to deny what was clear, to make themselves oblivious to stark realities. She was an expert at it, wholly convinced those she’d known for decades, and those they knew, were beyond reproach, family friends, former lovers … great people. But it was not difficult for an outside observer, anyone who bothered to look, to see things, to see that the mystique was only that … an illusion … and darker motives were in overabundance. Though the projections were all of good citizens, solid characters, and great friends, the truth was not deeply hidden, but she, hiding her own darkness, did not see any of it. 

There were the open bigots, spewing hatred with smiles and heretical appeals to a Christianity that bore no resemblance to that preached by the savior. There was the open greed, made blatant by opulent purchases only infantile minds would obsess over. There were those who showed every textbook sign of malignant narcissism characterized by insatiable egos that had no basis in reality, predicated upon secret inferiority complexes, and she appeared to like them best of all. They also “liked” her, seeing an easy target. There were the open perverts, who, though they did not go around uttering grotesqueries in public, were not hard to spot, simply by who they followed and interacted with, racking up scores of women. There were even the fetishists, combinations of narcissism and control issues that were openly displayed on what they shared with the public. They were everywhere, and it was no exaggeration or mislabeling. They were a product of the same environment. 

These were her friends, but, unless she was secretly just like them, they were not at all about what she claimed mattered to her nor what she thought was right. But, still, she saw none of it and did not believe it when told of it, refusing to confirm it for herself. But there were other odd things … darker intruders, sick minds. 

There was one who had started popping up regularly, a family friend, who seemed no threat as he was married. But it became more clear that that marriage was over. And around the same time he began to show up all around her, he’d sparked an interest in hypnotism, specifically mind control. It was unknown whether it was pursued to manipulate her or an ex, but it was not for self-help, as the group was not about self-help. And, if anyone were susceptible to that manner of manipulation … it was her … in spades. Was he telling her that he wanted to help her with trauma? He was not qualified. Or were his motives more nefarious? You see, the hypnosis itself was not the issue. It was the motive behind it, the idea of resorting to nonsensical mind control to enslave someone. That was what was disturbing, and the timing was beyond suspicious. 

Though that sort of mind control was purely fiction, followed by desperate suckers, dark psychology was not, and it employed the same tactics as the narcissists she’d fallen for. But she was too trusting based only on a familiar face, and if he were gaslighting, love bombing, forced teaming, exaggerating her problems for his own benefit, gleaning information from her with misleading questions she would be inclined to correct, fearmongering, or guilting her, she would likely never notice the nefarious nature of it, just as she refused to acknowledge that the line of work so many of those she knew had chosen was a breeding ground for sociopaths. 

Instead she would continue to accuse someone else of those things. He did none of them, except for maybe some guilt tripping, which he had every reason to do since she was guilty. And he was not fearmongering, only informing. But she would never believe him, and she knew that the reason why was that he was right. She knew what she had done as well as she knew why he had. He seemed to be the only one who had ever shot straight with her, refusing to sugar coat anything or placate her mental fictions, but she did not respect that. She respected guises, baiting, and insincere ass kissing. And she would trust a degenerate who targeted her and used her grief to manipulate her, or an authoritarian gun nut with sado-masochistic tendencies arising from a disturbed mind, or the “nice guy” who thought he could hypnotize her into doing whatever he wanted or used it as an excuse to get close before she would ever trust the man who had sincerely cared for her.