It was a decent affair, much less than he’d made it out to be, but she thought it was something and was happy to have been part of it. He was so handsome, she thought in that moment, and she moved through the crowd to take his arm. 

He turned and gave her a half smile and then subtly shrugged her off. “I’ve got to mingle with my fans. Go on back to the table, and I’ll catch up with you in a bit.” 

Unhappy at the apparent brush off but in a place in which she knew no one and did not exactly fit in, she obeyed, though she couldn’t understand it. This was not how he’d treated her over the last few days of set up, after he’d come and, essentially, begged her for her help. 

After the show and clean up, they went to his apartment. She remained distant, while he bragged about himself and how successfully everything had gone. 

“What’s wrong with you?” he asked. 

“Why did you blow me off like that? Are you embarrassed by me?”

“Blow you off? What’re you talking about?” 

“You didn’t want me touching you in front of everyone else. It was obvious.” 

He acted confused, in a hyperbolic way that suggested that he was not being sincere. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was busy. I had lots to do and had to make sure everything was running smooth.” 

She wavered in her anger, fearing pushing too far and making him angry. But she could not stop thinking about it. As she watched him preen in front of the mirror, she pressed him. “You told me that I’m special to you … that you’ve always had a soft place in your heart for me.” 

“That’s right. I do,” he answered, without taking his eyes off his own reflection. 

“Well, prove it.” 

“How am I supposed to do that? You want to get busy? I’ve told you it’s so.” 

“Put us up on your website.” 

“What’cha mean?” 

“I mean let everyone know that we’re together. If you mean it, it’s not a big deal.” 

He paused, stammering for a second, and looked at her. “Look … I … no, you’re the one who didn’t want anyone to know. Besides … it’s no one’s business.” 

“On my page, not yours. Just because of the issues I’ve had. You can put it on your page. And I’ve changed my mind. I want everyone to know.” She did not want any but a few select people to know, if that, not yet, and was worried about other prying eyes, but she knew saying that she did would put him on the spot. So she hedged her bet. 

“Girl … you’re my girl … but I need to keep everything professional. You know that. I don’t want to put my personal stuff out there like that.” 

“I’m asking you to just change your status.” 

He sighed and his shoulders slumped. He stared at the floor for a good two minutes before answering with a solid “No.” 

“But why not?” she demanded, beginning to feel that everything was wrong with the situation, that the man standing before her was not whom she thought he was. 

“Because we’re not.” 

“Not what?” 

“We’re not together.” 

For a moment, she felt as if she couldn’t breathe, but her scorn returned. “What about everything the last few days? The things you said to me?” 

And that’s when he let his mask fall and blew his top. “Girl, I felt sorry for you … and I wanted some because it was there … just to see what it was like. That’s it. I asked you for help because you’re easy, and I figured why not hit it since you were so desperate for it … Embarrassed? Fuck yes! You’re old … like my moms … you’re like almost up for Social Security. You’re wrinkled, and you’re all bones. That dye ain’t fooling no one. You’re as gray as smoke. You cute enough to fuck if no one knows … but that’s it. What did you expect? You thought I was … ME? … Look at me! I don’t need no desperate old, crazy broad croaking at me all the time … making me look like a momma’s boy. You did me a solid … and I did you a solid. That’s it!” 

Tears began to flood her eyes, as the truth settled in. But she’d known it was the truth before he ever said it. She had allowed his attention to make her feel young and as attractive as she used to be, and she had deluded herself into believing that she was that desirable. But, in the depths of her mind and her heart, she’d known it wasn’t true and she’d subconsciously walked into it. ‘So you used me?” 

“If you wanna put it that way. Just like you used me. No different. I gave you my gift … best you ever had too, right? Look, ain’t no man out there, who isn’t about to drop dead or ugly as sin, begging to have you … unless he needs a quickie or his floors cleaned. What did you think was happening? I just coaxed it a little,” he said with a snide grin. “Now, if you want me to hit you up every now and then … that’s cool. But we’re not a thing … and if you tell anyone we got busy … I’ll deny it. Who’s gonna believe you?” 

“You’re a bastard! You’re ugly!” 

She’d hit him where his ego lived. “Who’s ugly, you dirty bag? You chose me. And you’re a ho!” he raged into his pocket and dug out a $20 bill, which he threw at her feet as she sat watching him with tears streaming down her face. “There! Now we’re square.” 

She stared at the money and hated him in that moment. The last question she had, which she choked out, was simple. “Why me?” 

“Because you were there …” he said bluntly. “Why go out of my way to find someone when you were right there … all desperate and needy? I didn’t have to massage you too hard now. You were gonna say yes no matter what.” 

“That’s it?” she asked him, having collected herself in cold anger, drying her eyes, and staring at him with a look of fire.

“Yeah … I needed someone who was gonna stay out of the scene drama and do whatever I asked. Why not you? You like to be told everything. And you let me in all about your ex and that other shit. You can’t complain. You got some … and it’s what you’ve done to people too. You told me enough. You act like a victim … but you know what you’re doing. You just don’t like the outcome sometimes. So I knew you’d bite. You needed to, and you wanted it. Like I said, I did you a favor. Now go home … and if you make it shitty at work … I’ll make sure everyone thinks you’re crazy. Everyone looks up to me … believes me because I’m everyone’s friend and help them all out. See how it works? So just be cool … like always. You still my friend, and you can help out next time too.” 

His gall floored her. Storming out of the apartment, she went to her car. But she didn’t break down. She quietly drove home, ruing her choices, contemplating her own hypocrisy, and having no idea what she was going to do but suck it up. His words had hit home. She had set out to use him too, and she had, for no real reason, crushed a heart that had loved her, just because she could, the heart of someone who had wanted her. And she had told herself that if that heart had wanted her, then others must too, better hearts, with the things she wanted. 

But none ever came … none that were any more honest than the bastard that she had just left behind.