I have no impetus. 

No drive left to lose weight, which would easily dissipate. 

No longing to be healthy, to stop the smoke from choking.

No want of trading for a better income, a better life, 

My soul cannot bear the thought of lingering anymore. 

No desire for love haunts me. 

I dream now only of spilling myself, emptying my head of memory, 

Becoming mindless and free of perpetually conflicted thoughts, 

To rid myself of the only hope that is no hope at all, 

And never was, 

To believe in nothing and cease to be, just fading out of my own memory, 

As I exist do not exist in the only one that ever mattered, 

And never did., 

Put down like a stray that had so much to give.